Wednesday, Apr 23, 2014
Joyce Minor

Everything, And Nothing, Has Changed


Published:   |   Updated: May 6, 2013 at 07:04 PM

When I was young . . .

People left their doors unlocked,

And no one ever got burglarized.

People cut their grass with push mowers,

And no one ever exercised.

People watched television together,

And no one covered their children's eyes.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

We wore pedal pushers and braids.

They wear capris and cornrows.

We watched Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bob.

They watch Harry Potter and Sponge Bob.

We ate Cheerios and chewed Black Jack.

They eat Kashi and chew Strive.

Nothing has changed.

When I was young . . .

My parents paid 30 cents a gallon for gas and 89 cents a gallon for milk.

We pay $4 a gallon for gas and $5 a gallon for milk.

Their mortgage was 30 percent of their income.

Our mortgage is 14 percent of our income.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

Everyone rode the bus to school

Not even rich kids had cars.

Today everyone drives cars to school.

Rich kids drive Mazerattis.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

We filled our tanks with Esso

And our cups with Chock-Full-Of-Nuts.

They fill their tanks with ethanol from nuts

And their cups with expresso.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

We worried about getting cooties.

They worry about getting Chlamydia.

We worried about boogiemen under the bed.

They worry about sexual predators online.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

We danced the bosa nova and the twist,

And our parents were scandalized.

They break dance and dirty dance,

And their parents are scandalized.

We swooned over Elvis, Fabian, and The Beatles.

They faint over Emanem, Usher and Snoop Dog.

Nothing has changed.

When I was young . . .

Pop music had a tune and words you could sing along.

Today, pop music has no tune, just words,

And you could get arrested for singing along.

We watched "The Sound of Music" and "The Wizard of Oz."

They watch "Sex and The City" and "Wicked."

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

We wore bobby socks and penny loafers.

They wear no socks and flip-flops.

We wore mini skirts and hip-huggers.

They wear mini skirts and hip-huggers.

Nothing has changed.

When I was young . . .

We studied Shakespeare and algebra.

They study free verse and quantum physics.

We spent weeks in the library writing research papers.

They spend a half hour online downloading them.

We endured months of frustration to operate a slide rule.

They spend ten minutes pressing buttons on a calculator.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

We read the newspaper so we'd develop an interest in current events.

They don't read anything but aneme and blogs.

We had to learn to type in high school.

They learn keyboarding in preschool and computer programming in high school.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

Every kid had the same school supplies, provided by our parents' taxes.

Their parents buy each child's supplies individually, including Kleenex for the whole class.

We had gym class and group showers three days a week, every week, through tenth grade.

They can take P.E. as an elective. Fitness is an elective?

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

Nobody was overweight. Kids were skinny, period.

Today, almost everyone is overweight, even kindergarteners.

We almost never went out to eat. Restaurants were local diners and each one was unique.

They eat out more than in. Restaurants are chains that all look alike and offer the same menu coast to coast.

Everything has changed.

When I was young . . .

Was no better than now, just different.

Today is no better than then, just different.

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